Follow me on

How do we know what our values are?

Scottish wellbeing author and blogger Jojo Fraser

I joked on the podcast this week (episode 117) about the pressure to box tick all the ‘good values’ in order to live our best lives.  My amazing guest, ex CIA agent, now successful and inspirational CEO, Rupal Patel, reminded me that our actions show us which values we hold most dear.  Nail on the head.


Rupal patel


Whilst looking through old notebooks, I recently found a ‘how I want to be remembered’ extract I wrote a couple of years ago.  I am happy to share it:

She was present and always showed up fully.  She was warm, real and lots of fun.  She would sing and dance as often as possible and always encouraged others to do the same.  She brought good energy wherever she went.  She was curious and open minded, a great listener.  She always saw the best in people.  She loved hard.  She was a free spirit who would seek out adventures and do things that brought her joy.  She encouraged others to do the same. She helped people to do less and be more.  She hugged long and hard.  She loved spending time in nature and would go wild swimming as often as possible.  She lived a life full of passion.  She was creative, a thought leader and a change maker.  She was a leader who makes a difference.  She was a loving Mum who raised her kids to be confident and kind.  She took time to remind others of how amazing they are.  She used her mistakes to help others.  She had a wild side but was grounded, gentle and calm.  She read lots and loved all things self development. She made deep connections.  She helped others smile and laugh.  She had a strong faith, which helped her navigate through the highs and the lows.  

Based off of this, it is clear that my values are fun, honesty, love, adventure, freedom, kindness and gentleness to name a few.  I think it’s exhausting trying to be everything to everyone.  Writing how you would like people to describe you, based on the actions and behaviours that bring you to life, is a fantastic starting point to ensure you are on the right track.  I would also encourage you to keep a note of compliments.  Think of words you want to hold onto.  Last week, I received this message.  Feedback is important and I believe that we should be thankful for it.  I want to hold onto the words warm, open and generous because that is who I am.

Jojo Fraser

It’s important to remember that in order to walk our talk, we need to get the basics right so that we are strong enough.  Quality sleep, a healthy diet, exercise, time to relax and unwind, healthy relationships and creative projects are all important so that we are able to give to others and serve as best as we can.  When I was broken and unwell, there were times that I wasn’t strong enough to show love or compassion.  I wasn’t strong enough to be the ‘real me’.  The real me and the real you = our best self.

As Rupal and I disucss, our social and mental surroundings have a massive influences on who we become – not just people but the films we watch, the music we listen to, the books we read, the podcasts we consume.  They all have a powerful impact.  Sometimes we need to take some action to increase our energy and engagegment with life.

I have put a video link to our podcast below, episode 117 is available across all the key podcast channels so jump in, why not get the body moving and let us join you as you walk, run, clean or take us in the bath with you.

From war zones to boardrooms, New York-born and London-based Rupal Patel has often been the only woman in ultra-high-octane, Alpha-male environments. After a thrilling career at the CIA, she started her first six-figure business from scratch almost 10 years ago. Combining the business savvy gained along the way with her CIA training, she now helps startup founders, corporate leaders, and innovation-focused companies think bigger, lead better, and be bolder.

Leveraging her Ivy-League education, MBA degree, and CIA training, Rupal combines industry-leading theory with tactical experience to engage everyone from boardroom executives to bootstrapping founders. Rupal’s work on identity-driven leadership helps new and seasoned leaders delve deep into their identity so they can leverage their unique strengths, uncover blindspots, and become better, more effective, and more fulfilled in the process. Her powerful perspectives on resilience, adaptability, mindset, and growth are invaluable for founders and leaders who want off-the-beaten-path insights to help them think bigger, lead better, and be bolder.
Rupal has been called a “power woman” by Harper’s Bazaar, been appointed Entrepreneur in Residence at London Business School, and is currently working on a book titled From CIA to CEO.
Mania and Hypo mania - Jojo Fraser

Jojo Fraser is an award winning author, coach, podcaster and motivational/TEDX speaker.  She has been a mental health researcher for the past 7 years and helps to empower, motivate and uplift the leaders she works with.  She is known for her straight talking and bold approach.  Her mission is simple – to normalise what many see as ‘the hard’ conversations and in breaking the stigma, save many lives.

She is a regular speaker on BBC Radio, a keen foodie, lover of trail running, wild swimming, spa days and she loves to sing.  Jojo writes about all things mindfulness, relationships, positive psychology and lifestyle.

Tune into her daily stories on Instagram @jojofrasermojo and Facebook @jojofrasermojo.

You can purchase her first book here.



Leave a Reply

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.