Should couples sleep in separate beds? I have been asked to speak on this topic on BBC Radio twice in the space of a week, the reason being that new stats have come to light suggesting that 50% of couples now prefer this arrangement. My take on it is that it comes down to the couple. If you are both pretty laid back and sleep fairly deeply (me), then I don’t see sleeping together being much of an issue. BUT….
My husband and I have been in different beds for around 6 years now, which coincided with when we had our 2nd child. Hubs would happily go through to the spare room for an amazing sleep, whilst I fed Charlie in the night. It suited me fine as I had more space and wouldn’t have to feel bad about putting the light on. However, once Charlie finally started sleeping the night in his own bed, the habit kind of stuck. My Hubs is a very light sleeper and got used to having his own space. Personally, I really enjoy having my own room and space too. But have we taken it too far? In the past, we have suggested ways around it, such as getting a super, super king bed and our own sheets. But we haven’t bothered to get our act together and sort it out. Life juggling kids, work and everything else seems to have taken priority as of course has a fantastic nights sleep and enjoying our own independence. What a treat to turn the light out whenever you want, to lie is any position and enjoy some alone zen time.
I’ll be frank, the me 13 years ago, when we got together, would be disgusted at the thought of us in different beds. I used to love a good snuggle and of course, when you share a bed all night, spontaneous sex is more likely. Have we become a boring, married couple who schedules in ‘romantic time’ or fits in a quickie when the kids are settled with a movie? The stats would suggest that 50% of us have. I did a little more digging and it appears that a number of those still in the same bed all night would be up for trying different rooms, yet one person seems dead set against it. Therefore they are ‘trapped’ together all night and as a result do not get a great quality sleep be it due to snoring issues, getting up to go to the toilet, hogging the sheets, night sweats, fidgeting etc etc.
Whilst I do love having my own space to sleep, get dressed, chill, read, listen to podcasts and whatever else, sometimes I think about the intimacy aspect. Is it healthier to fall asleep together? Perhaps to snuggle and read together? My parents have been married for nearly 50 years and they lie and read and pray in bed together, morning and night. Are these little moments the big moments? Although my Mum does often complain these days about being woken up in the night by Dad. I suggested they try different beds 🙂
On the radio, I spoke with both sleep and relationship experts and the consensus was in favour of seperate beds. We all know that sleep is important for our wellness and with the decline in mental health due to covid, we need all the help we can get. Some relationship experts feel that having seperate beds means for a more romantic relationship. Does it keep things fresh and exciting?
I did a poll on my stories and roughly 60% were for sleeping in bed with their partner, whilst 40% were all for sleeping alone. I had some messages thanking me for talking openly about this, one saying:
‘I am 100% with you, but would be mortified to admit it and tell others. Thanks for being so honest’
Of course, some will judge you. But it doesn’t matter. What matters is what works for you. My take on it is that communication is key and if you are both sleeping well, you will both be happier. Intimacy can be found in many different ways. I am very partial to having my back stroked as I lay on the sofa. Kitty cat raaaaf. You got this.