When I coach people, we always start with keeping it real and breaking things down. I need to know that a person is clear with their intentions before we get started. I have thought in the past that one day:
‘I want to become an international bestselling author’.
I’ll admit, at first I am sure part of me said this because it sounded cool. That is a nice goal for the ego. My amazing readers have always encouraged me with my writing in terms of spreading my reach. I took time to break these thoughts down, making a vision board is a great tool for this. With clarity, the goal changed.
‘I want to reach as many people as possible because I know that my work makes a difference and helps people.’
Yes, hitting the press and becoming a bestselling author is a great way of achieving the goal of reaching as many people as possible. But it is the ‘why’ that matters.
At the launch of my first book, in the glorious Borthwick Castle, my Mum and brother laughed about how many people approached them and said:
‘You must be so proud’.
My Mum, always a bit of a radge and straight to the point made it very clear:
‘I would be proud of her whatever she did’.
Therefore, having the intention to make my mum proud would perhaps be wasted 🙂
I want to make a difference. As humans, we all do at the heart of it. Sometimes the mind can get in the way. We need to strip it all down and remind ourselves of our pain points, experiences and lessons. That’s where the magic lies.
So I ask myself before I take on ANY new project:
Is this a pain point? Will this give me the opportunity to make a difference for the better?
If the answer is yes, then I ask another question:
Is this the right time and will you be able to do this and stay grounded without burning out your brain?
If the answer is yes and I still have time to enjoy my amazing kids and chill out and relax at points throughout the week, then the answer will be yes. If the answer is no, then perhaps I am focusing on too many pain points. In that case, we need to get clear on how we prioritise because we cannot do it all and there are only 24 hours in a day.
I was in a coaching session recently, as I prepare for my Tedx talk this month. One of the first things that my coach said to me was:
‘Your intentions are really good so this is going to be powerful.’
If our intentions are not good, our anxiety levels fire up. It is our body’s way of letting us know that something is up, we are not in tune with who we really are. Perhaps the mind has swept us up and we are motivated by lower vibrational emotions such as jealousy, fear or revenge. Those negative emotions can get stuck in the body and if we don’t deal with them they show up.
Coming back to our intentions means getting still. I will give a few examples below.
Why do I continue to brave the cold waters in Scotland?
Because wild swimming gives me a sense of peace and calm. I feel amazing being connected with nature and as I say during our live swim on podcast 104 – ‘cold water snaps us out of the madness and we feel alive’. It is also free and what do they say about the best things in life?
This ‘why’ in my opinion is better than:
Because everyone else seems to be doing it now.
Why have I started exercising more and eating a healthier diet?
Because I don’t want to take my health for granted. I am thankful for my body and I want to feel great. Exercise gives me magic energy and removes any negative vibes. I feel more creative and happier when I move my body. I want to be a good role model for my kids.
This ‘why’ in my opinion is better than:
Because I want to look better than x, y and z.
Because I want to take lots of sexy selfies and post them across Instagram.
Why do I love acting?
Because I will never forget being a kid and discovering drama. It felt magic and it helped me with my anxiety. It taught me to be more present in the body. I love entertaining people.
This ‘why’ in my opinion is better than:
Because it’s cool.
Because I would love to win an oscar one day.
Why do I continue to make the effort to write blog posts?
Because my kids may enjoy reading them one day. Having a creative outlet is great for the mojo. Writing helps to release any negative energy. Writing gives us the opportunity to make a difference.
This ‘why’ in my opinion is better than:
Because it might bring me lots of exciting opportunities.
So I can get lots of free stuff.
If you are struggling with negative feelings then why not break your goals down. Remind yourself of your why. When we have good intentions, we sleep better at night. We feel more alive.
Isn’t it amazing that we can all make a positive difference in the world? That excites me.
You got this.
Jojo Fraser is an award winning author, coach, podcaster and motivational speaker. She has been a mental health researcher for the past 6 years and helps to empower, motivate and uplift the leaders she works with. She is known for her straight talking and bold approach. Her mission is simple – to normalise what many see as ‘the hard’ conversations and in breaking the stigma, save many lives. She will be giving her first TEDx talk this month and is also available for acting roles (show reels available).
Follow her popular podcast here, which is dubbed by her global listeners as ‘free therapy’.
Tune into her daily stories on Instagram @jojofrasermojo and Facebook @jojofrasermojo.
You can purchase her first book here.
