This week on podcast episode 103, we are talking about how to increase your charisma without being fake. We get fairly deep at the end so stay tuned. When I first spoke with charisma coach, Sebastian Walls from The Art of Charisma, I explained that I was slightly worried about the word charisma due to the fact it made me picture a person who has all the charm but perhaps lacks character and strong values. As Sebastian quite rightly pointed out, this is more than likely due to the leaders who have let us down. However, as we explored the subject of charisma at a deeper level, we were both in agreement that the art of charisma is about living more authentically. As I often say, when we show up fully, we don’t need to show off.
The word charisma to me is associated with power: the power to show up as we are, without wearing a mask. Is there a metaphor there this year, are we all fed up of masks?
Here are some top tips to increase your charisma without being fake:
Stay curious. The ability to listen with an open mind, without judgement, is a great life skill. When you listen to the podcast, Sebastian comes across as super curious and interested in what I have to say. As the famous quote goes: ‘You are only interesting if you are interested’. I think it is important to go into every discussion prepared for a great conversation. No matter what unconscious bias we may have picked up over the years, it is so important to check in each day and remember that we are all equal and valuable.
Don’t lie in attempt to ‘fit in’. As Sebastian points out, it is so easy to get swept up in conversation and lie about our interests in attempt to be liked. Deep down, we all have a fear of being judged. But it is much better if we work to push this fear aside and tell the truth.
Drop the pressure. You are human and not meant to be perfect. There is something super attractive about people who live with integrity and are prepared to show their flaws and admit when they are wrong.
Practise Mindfulness. The art of practising mindfulness helps us to let things go. When we hold onto negative energy, it can show up. People can feel your energy when you walk in a room. Mindfulness helps us to get back to our natural, loving state.
Love wins. As babies, we were born full of love. Over the years, as we learn to fear, it can be harder to show love to others. If we have our guard up often, it can stop us from creating warm and meaningful connections with people. The ability to show empathy is key. You don’t have to adore every person you meet, but life is much better if we look for the light in people over the darkness. Learning to love and accept yourself is important too in order to bring positive energy and show up for others. If we don’t work on turning down the dials on the inner critic, it will be harder to show empathy to others. When we judge ourselves, we will be more likely to judge others.
You got this.
Jojo Fraser is an award winning author, coach, podcaster and motivational speaker. She has been a mental health researcher for the past 6 years and helps to empower, motivate and uplift the leaders she works with. She is known for her straight talking and bold approach. Her mission is simple – to normalise what many see as ‘the hard’ conversations and in breaking the stigma, save many lives. She will be giving her first TEDx talk this month.