This week I am covering the topic of being ghosted and rejected on my podcast, which was inspired by some recent messages I received. Ghosting is hot topic at the moment, just in time for Halloween and it seems to be getting worse with the growth of apps and the general behaviours associated with the online world. My fear is that the ‘unfollow’ button is all too easy, which can encourage surface level, meaningless and transactional relationships. It should be noted though that the opposite can be true and the online world can be a great way to make deeper, emotional connections with those who share your interests, values, pain, goals etc. It’s not every day that you meet people out and about on the street who you can instantly connect with. Well, perhaps in America. In Scotland, the chat tends to be about the weather, pre covid a popular one being ‘how busy life is’.
I’ve had some feedback about podcast 101 already and indeed it is aparent to me that ghosting stings and can be lethal when it comes to our mental health. You can tune in to hear me talking about it in greater detail on your favourite podcast station or on spotify right here.
When we get rejected, it can be so easy to go into a shell. Don’t let rejection kill your connection. We need to connect.
What about when you need to take some space from a person to look after your own mental wellness? I found these words very powerful, they were sent to me after I put podcast episode 100 live, in reference to the wounds left after watching a loved one become a stranger via a manic episode.
One of the things I’m very anxious to bring more awareness about is the profound effect it can also have on the health of a caring spouse, partner, family member or friend. When manic, my wife became highly abusive and wouldn’t see me and, even though I can separate the person from the illness (she’s such a beautiful, caring and lovely person), the wounds can be like arrows that, unless you can get them out, can result in the caring spouse carrying deep penetrating wounds for years and years, which requires superhuman strength. It’s hard for a brain to distinguish between an arrow fired with intent and one sent accidentally – the pain remains the same and, if not properly treated, can fester for years, if not decades. It’s like Cupid giving his bow to Satan for a few weeks to wreak complete havoc.
Wow. Those words got me and will stay with me, perfectly written. I can indeed agree that wounds via mania are of course sent accidentally. I will share some more of the message I received, with permission.
I think it is so important to raise awareness of this. Sometimes, taking space is essential to protect yourself. Looking back on my own illness, I would have advised family and friends who struggled with it to take space. As for when you start to heal, it can be hard to think you may have lost those close to you. It happens. On the flip side, it can also make your relationships stronger.
I like these words:
Your new life is going to cost you your old one. It’s going to cost you your comfort zone and your sense of direction. It’s going to cost you relationships and friends. It’s going to cost you being liked and understood. But it doesn’t matter. Because the people who are meant for you are going to meet you on the other side. And you’re going to build a new comfort zone around the things that actually move you forward. And instead of like, you’re going to be loved. Instead of understanding, you’re going to be seen. All you’re going to lose is what was built for a person you no longer are. Let it go.
Ironically, I found these words shortly before I took unwell. Perhaps it was a prediction in terms of what was to come when I came out the other side. My advise would be to go easy on yourself. Experiences change us and shape us. People who are meant for you are going to meet you on the other side. Whatever the other side means to you. You got this.