I would like to make clear that I am not getting too carried away just yet – we have two months left of this year. But I feel an urge to share this right here, right now.
Get still for a minute and just be. Perhaps you want to take a few deep breaths and just sit with your feelings. Has it been a busy day? Perhaps you are busy in your head or busy running around in human doing mode. Or maybe you are feeling nice and chilled and content with life. I would put myself in the middle of the scale today. I have had some time to be in both human doing and human being mode. In terms of blogging, I feel that I have been neglecting this passion at the moment because I am so engrossed in finishing my next book. There are moments that it has given me sleepless nights, I am a human doing, even in my sleep. I get excited because I’m all in and have been since I started it. I feel every word and if I don’t, they are deleted. I want people to feel and relate and connect. When we feel, others feel. When we are all in, others find it easier to be all in.
I set some intentions at the start of 2019. They were as follows:
I will get still and be a human being as much as possible. Yes, I will rush around in human doing mode too. But I will make stillness a greater priority.
I will say no more. Good quality use of the simple word no.
I will be all out on drama and all in on joy.
In an often scary and overwhelming world, I will pick faith over fear as often as possible. I will get out of my mind more because the answers never come from a racing mind. I will get out in nature, pray more and keep up my meditation. I will keep reading words that give me a sense of faith and calm. For one, I have two young kids to keep alive. Sometimes getting out to do the school run is enough stress to kick start me into a panic attack. But I will remember to breathe and ask for patience.
I will try to keep love at the centre of what I do, because anger and self-sabotage feel heavy and pull us away from joy.
Now for the big one. The biggest intension of the year. Action over words. This is absolutely everything. Action over words. I will keep my actions in line with my words. The most powerful review I received from my first book was as follows:
‘What I found most engaging of all was that her integrity shines through on every page; she’s not afraid to share her flaws and vulnerabilities. I found myself rooting and cheering for her, and finished the book feeling inspired and energised.’
It reminded me how important integrity is to me. It’s no surprise that, when I look back over my mistakes, the times I suffered came down to a lack of focus with my values and actions. I was too busy to get still and my overall health had a huge impact. That is the stuff that keeps us awake at night. Sleep is very important for our physical, emotional, mental and spiritual health. When my actions and values are lined up and integrity has a focus in my life, I sleep like a baby. When I react to the inevitable strains and stresses of life with anger, fear or ego, I struggle to sleep.
I share some mistakes in my next book of when my actions have been out of line with my values. These mistakes have made me stronger today. I am happy to share, because I believe that is what we are all here to do. We are all born leaders and when we ignore this calling, it impacts our wellbeing hugely. There is power in sharing. How can you lead? Which mistakes can you share? How in your own way can you spread a little light in the world?
The word heaven comes from Greek roots and it means ‘expanding’. We are here to grow. So let’s start celebrating our mistakes. Say high five to rejection. Be thankful for the times we screw up. What can it teach us? How can we expand? I shared some thoughts on social media yesterday about our reaction to rejection. There are times that rejection is unfair. It can feel like the ultimate test. I get it. It hurts. Life isn’t always fair. It isn’t meant to be. But you are made for more than fitting into another persons box.
I believe that if your intensions are good, then you can sleep easy. There have been times over the years that I have felt let down by people. For the majority of those times, I decided to pull a Paul McCartney and let it be. Because sometimes the best response is to not react and let people bash on. Granted, I have not always been mindful enough to do so. That may have been due to stress, a lack of sleep, silence, hormones or even too many cocktails.
If you are living your life with integrity and your actions are in line with your values, then keep the faith. People will reject you, cut you out, drop you. It may purely be down to the monster we all have that is the ego. They may even be so lost in human doing mode that they are totally oblivious. Keep the head up high and stay kind.
Behind the scenes I have been grafting to ensure my next book is cram packed with good stuff. But my biggest lesson, which I want to remind you of is this –
The best stuff doesn’t come from a textbook, research or focus group. It comes from our actions and life experience. I can tell you all the models around mindfulness, but it’s the practising of meditation and mindful based living that is life changing.
I can talk about why our ego is bad for our mental health, but it’s the act of becoming aware of the ego within me and keeping check on how I react to it which is life changing. It’s the conscious act of working hard to become more self aware and distance myself from it behind closed doors, not standing on a stage telling others about it with my words.
I can go to church and hear phenomonal speakers talking about love. But it’s the act of giving love and receiving love that is life changing.
So let me repeat – the magic comes from our actions. Keep your actions in check with your values and you will sleep easier. I love sleep.
Jojo Fraser is an award winning author, podcaster and motivational speaker. She is a speaker coach for TEDx in Cumbernauld this December. Jojo believes that we are all born to lead. She has been a mental health researcher for the past 6 years and helps her clients to empower, motivate and uplift the leaders they work with. She is a regular speaker on BBC Radio.
Follow her popular podcast here, which is dubbed by her global listeners as ‘free therapy’.
You can purchase her first book here. More info coming soon about book number 2.