Tomorrow our youngest starts school and I am feeling emotional about it. I’m definitely ready and I know that he is too but that never seems to stop that pang of overwhelm on the day. It’s well and truly the end of an era. It’s been one massive juggle holding down work that I love and trying to be around and as present as much as possible at home too. I felt guilty on the days that I wanted to be working instead. I felt guilty on the days I left him, when all he wanted was his Mummy. I took on some words that weren’t true. Words about what makes the perfect parent to some. But I know my kids and what works for them and so do you. My kids want happy and kind parents who love them. They want parents who follow their passion And of course parents who arrange lots of fun play dates too because they love playing and being with friends. I felt frustrated regarding any gender stereotypes. Although there have been so many positive changes. I have met some amazing parents and grandparents over the years. I have so many stories bottled up.
It takes a village to raise a child which I find comforting. Please remember that there is nothing wrong with admitting that we feel out of our depth at times as we try and raise kids to be kind and happy, whilst slaying some goals, juggling general life and finding a bit time to unwind too. Talking helps with people who understand and don’t judge. As a parent we have enough judgement going on in our own heads. If you have read chapter 3 of my book, you will be more than aware of some of the thoughts I have had over the years. Parenting is a roller-coaster of magic, anxiety, guilt, overwhelm and pure unconditional love. I am ready to have more time and our boy is ready for more play and learning, but we are both still very aware that it’s the end of all those little moments. Like trying to get him to nap, snuggling up together on a rainy day, under a blanket. Baking, painting, bouncing, laughing and of course crying. Supermarket trips were mostly brutal but then he would say ‘ I love you Mummy’, and all would be instantly forgotten. Just like that feeling you get when you watch your child sleeping. Nothing feels more precious in that moment, no matter how challenging the day has been.
He’s going to be making so many new memories without me. He knows it too, I can tell by the way he squeezes my hand. He’s going to grow up enormously, because that is what the first year of school does. So tonight, on the night before school, I’m feeling extremely grateful for the flood of memories and I will be holding him a little bit tighter when he falls asleep.
We were kindly invited to check out the back to school photography session at the amazing Blue Sky Photography studio in Edinburgh. I’m a gushy Mum who cherishes her photos. I’m going to be an emotional wreck tomorrow so I’m really thankful to have some wonderful shots of my big boy and girl. I love this one of them both. During the car journey to the shoot, Bonnie held her little brothers hand and said ‘I’ll look out for you at school’.
I’ll still be snap happy on route like all the other parents but there is definitely less pressure now. Trying to get the kids to pose and smile together at the same time is never an easy task. Especially in the morning. Photos like the one above will last a lifetime and those memories make all the hard days worth it. This is the sort of image I’ll have at their 21st parties, weddings and hopefully one day be lucky enough to show my grand-kids.
Good luck to all of you who are feeling mixed emotions as the schools go back. Take some time out to reflect on your favourite memories, look through some pictures and enjoy it. I’ve just been reminded by Bonnie about this vlog I made her, so I better make an effort to do one for our boy too. All the best at the school bells. Jojo x