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How to feel more connected with those we love

Jojo Fraser - Edinburgh author and blogger

Music has a huge impact on me, so when I go for a run, which I am trying to do a lot more of these days, some lyrics really stick with me.  This weeks mojo injection came from Ellie Goulding:

We were dangerous, couldn’t tame us
What’s missing now?
Suddenly, we got no time
We’re so busy doing life
That I miss your eyes on mine, mine
If you’d just focus on me
Like we were sixteen
And planning our lives
Can I wear your t-shirt
And sleep on you
While I dream of all the good times?
When we were sixteen

When I was 16, I used to love writing love letters and I would sit in my room, relishing music and times on my own and with friends and boyfriends.  I loved being 16.  I’ve heard people say ‘is this it!!?‘ when it comes to our long term relationships.  It’s very easy for our relationships to become a bit like an all inclusive buffet on day 12.  Samey.  I don’t know about you, but I prefer a bit of spice.  Who wants monotonous?  I’m looking for a bit of dangerous.  As Ellie wisely puts, what’s missing now is that suddenly we’ve got no time.  With a family holiday approaching, Hubs and I have already had the chat about our phone use.  The plan is for the screens to be locked away for most of the day.  It’s going to be about banter, swimming in the sea and pools, nice food, cold drinks, books and music.  I want us to talk on the balcony as we watch the sunset, not stare at our phones.  But what about the day to day routine?  When it feels like there is no time to watch a sunset?  I suggested the other night that we take the kids down the beach with their scooters to watch the sunset and he laughed at me.  ‘Not on a Tuesday dear.’  Oh dear.  You see, he’s wonderful at sticking to a routine.  That man drinks his water and never misses a workout session.  Routines have their benefit.  A lot of us thrive on it.  But my challenge is this – do we have the balance?  Do we have to wait for a holiday to feel like we are 16 again?  Can we fit in time to be spontaneous and break up the monotony?  Even if it’s just for 30 minutes a day.  Another song comes to mind (yes, I often think in song lyrics).
I got too much life, running though my veins.  I just want to feel.
Here are thoughts to help boost up that mojo, start feeling more and keep the connection before you need to give my friend Debbie a call.
Get outside
I spoke on BBC Radio this morning about how good it feels to get outside, away from our screens.  With the lighter nights, can you get outside for a walk and a talk?  Or perhaps you can get up a bit earlier, to hear the birds sing. Now that’s a mojo injection (listen to those birds in the video below).





I sing a lot.  It spices up my life.  In fact, I have finally got round to booking singing lessons because I love it so much.  It’s something I have always wanted to try.  When I was younger, I used to be terrified of singing in public.  I was crippled with anxiety.  Now I do it without thinking, a bit like brushing my teeth.  When Hubs and I first got together, we used to sit up singing to each other and with each other.  We do that a lot less these days but my plan is to start it back up, hopefully when we are on the balcony shortly we can start the habit.  I was really touched to see this beautiful comment on the Make 2nds Count page about Lisa and Euan singing together, through the storms of life.  Music unites us.  It reminds us to feel.  It is one of lifes greatest gifts.  Yes, I make people sing (not everyone but those that I know really want to).  Keep singing.  Or make your own kind of music.  Feel it.  Connect with lyrics you need to hear.  It’s art.  I am so thankful to all the amazing song writers and dj’s out there that get me going and help to spice up my day with a funky beat or beautiful, funny or thought provoking lyrics.


Jojo Fraser - Wellness Coach

Time apart

I think time apart with other friends is so important.  No couple is perfect and we can’t share all the same passions and interests.  I love hanging out with friends who like doing stuff that Hubs is not so keen on such as eating out, creating content such as vlogs and podcasts, exploring new places, wild swimming, trying out new coffee shops etc.  Sometimes accepting that we don’t need to like all the same things is key, rather than comparing our life with couples on Instagram that seem to have it all going on.

Get comfortable being alone

As a 3rd child, with two older brothers, I find this quite natural.  Do you enjoy your own company?  Sometimes it can be scary to be alone with our thoughts but there is so much we can do.  The dark times can help us to create some of our best work – think of songs like Creep by Radiohead (heard them live in Boston 2001) and Basket Case and Good Riddance by Green Day.  The key is to invest time in yourself.  If you would like to do a little self love exercise on your own (easy now), I have prepared this little meditation for you.  It may be difficult at first but this stuff is important and will allow you to connect with those you love on a deeper level.

Keep talking

Talking is so key as I discuss in my podcast with the lovely Debbie the divorce lawyer.  It can be so easy for resentment to build.  Don’t bitch to your friends about your issues.  Talk to each other.  If you are really struggling, then talking therapy is an amazing tool too.  There should be no stigma whatsoever around therapy, in America most people have a therapist as standard.  After all, we all have a mind which is like a puppy.  It needs trained.


Meditation doesn’t have to take hours.  But regular quiet moments are so important.  For one, silence helps to grow our brain, science shows us this.  Sometimes we need silence to put things into perspective.  To practise gratitude.  To look at the sea or a sunset, perhaps the stars and realise just how magic life can be.  How lucky we are to be breathing.  How we can start to send love to those we are frustrated with.  Taking the time out to see things through another persons lens is absolutely key.

Mash it up

Last week I surprised Hubs with a spa day.  We had a treatment each, lots of time to lie around reading and our first ever mud rasul experience.  It was great to try something new together and we both felt super refreshed at the end of the day.  It’s good to mash it up.


Remember that sex is great exercise and a lot like running.  Sometimes we can’t be bothered but we never regret it.  But if you are not so keen then remember this – eye contact is the most intimacy two people can have – forget sex – because the optic nerve is technically an extension of the brain, and when two people look into each others eyes, it’s brain to brain.


I could write about this all day but I can smell my Father in Law’s bonza lasagne in the oven.  If you would like to come and hear me speak, I have a couple of exciting events coming up.  I would love to take some questions and topic requests from you too.  Nothing is off limits.


Catch me at Wellness Talks and Fringe by the sea


Tune into my weekly motivational podcast here or on your fave app including iTunes, Spotify and podbean.  I have regular listeners around the globe and would love you to be one of them if you are in need of a mojo injection.








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