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What everyone should remember this Valentine’s Day and every single day

author, podcaster and motivational speaker - Edinburgh, Scotland


I used to think there was this Prince that was going to rescue me and make my life complete.  Sometimes I would think to myself

‘I wonder what he looks like, I wonder what he sounds like’. 

We are conditioned to believe that our happiness depends on this one person.  What a huge pressure to put on someone.  To quote time for a mojo injection:

‘I lived my life waiting for my knight in shining armour, inspired by all those fabulous glossy movies I watched as I grew up.  I thought I had found it with Hubs, then 10 years later it hit me.  No single person on this earth can do that for us.  At the heart of it all, our happiness lies in our own hands.  The most important relationship we can have on this earth is the one with ourselves.  But how often do we go and buy our own box of milk tray or bunch of flowers instead of sitting waiting for others to buy them for us.  How often do we speak to ourselves with the compassion we would give a friend who has made a mistake?  But no, we carry around the guilt, we let the inner critic win and often our minds are racing.

We all have baggage and we all have issues.  It can be easy to put those issues onto others, it can be easy to carry around old stories and hang onto them, assuming they are our identity.  Why not go a little easier on yourself?  Once we start practising self-care daily, it’s amazing how our lives improve.  The mojo comes back, we feel better and attract better things into our life.  Relationships can improve, or the negative ones fade away and new ones begin.

A huge issue is that all too often we hide from ourselves, the most important gift we can give ourselves is the time to reflect and be present, knowing who we are. I often talk of a life changing trip where I found clarity on a beach in Thailand, back in 2006.  Sometimes it takes a beautiful beach to find perspective.  Time to think about what we feel and what we truly want, over what others or the media tell us we should want.

Loving ourselves means going a bit easier, accepting what makes us weird and wonderful.  Being thankful for all those that love us, despite our flaws.  Thankful for those in our life that see the gold, or the platinum when it would be easy to find the dirt.  I saw a post this week that said ‘be so positive on Facebook that all the negative people unfollow you’.

Even the most positive of us can be negative.  It can be so easy to play the victim.  People hurt us.  It’s important to accept those feelings of disappointment, anger and sadness.  Let them in, feel them and then see if you can move past them.  What helps us to move on? Self-love.  Not what you think you should do, but what actually makes you happy.  What makes you truly happy?  For me I love –

Time on my own – swimming outside, reading, running, writing, listening to a great podcast, being on the beach.

Being strict with myself – I say yes way too much last year.  It was fun but it was a bit too busy.  I love to please other people, but it can be all too easy to stretch ourselves too thin and commit to everything. My motto for 2019 is to say no a little more.  To focus on myself when I start to feel overwhelmed, even if it means others will take that personally.  Remember, as I say in the video above – that’s their issue.  They need to come and rescue themselves, not you.  I was challenged recently about the word selfish.  Sometimes the word selfish can be good.  It’s not always bad.  Be a bit more selfish.  Often, those that use it and call others selfish need self-care more than anyone.

I hope you have an amazing Valentine’s Day whatever you do.  Just don’t be so hard on yourself.


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