Working on our personal development changes our energy and our energy impacts everything. Self-Development is self-care and when we refuse to make time, it drains us. Is it time to raise your standards? Maybe it’s time to address personal issues that you have been putting onto other people. When we fail to do so, we become a wasp, buzzing in people’s ears. We become a mood hoover (love you Gavo aka Mr Shine). We spread fear and negativity instead of light. Let me ask, when is it time to turn the hoover off? When is it time to grow?
It’s always time. Not just at the start of a new year. Every single day is a chance to learn and to grow. Genuine self-esteem is knowing that we are a work in progress. Every new day, every new year. I met some incredible people in 2018 and two of them shall be joining me on stage at the Edinburgh Wellbeing festival, I would love to see you there and you can find out more about the session here.
Working with a life coach has been an incredible experience. Emma has pushed me and challenged me in so many ways. I’ll admit, I was wary at first about the whole process. Did I have time for the sessions and did I need to take time to grow? What would I discover about myself through the process? Two things that always slow me down are water and music. I got us a lazy spa and we have spent loads of time in it over the holidays, staring up at the sky, be it sunny, starry or cloudy. It has been the perfect space to reflect.
I adore getting lost in music. I spent this morning playing with different chords to go with a song I have written and an hour felt like a few minutes. Bonnie already assures me she will ‘no way be as daft as I was and give up lessons’. I think I will get some more myself.
It’s been lovely to have had a bit of a detox from work and life and I’m going to share something with you. Something personal. You may relate to it now, you may relate to it next year or the year after. You may wonder what on earth I’m talking about. It’s about what happens when we grow.
There are many areas in our life where we can choose to grow, such as our relationships, career, fitness, self development, our social life and general attitude. The list could go on. For me, self development was a huge focus in 2018, however that of course impacts a lot of the other areas too. Self development allows us to have greater clarity with our career, our goals, our relationships and everything else. But there is a catch. Not everyone will like it. Perhaps behaviour that you have put up with in the past becomes impossible when you raise your standards. Because when you raise your standards, you have greater respect for yourself and others.
We all need a dose of positivity. I think back to a time when I was travelling around New Zealand, I remember feeling lonely and a bit flat. You could call it comfortably numb. It would have been easy to turn into a mood hoover. I got chatting to a guy called Alvin and his energy was infectious. The first night we met, we danced to a drum and bass song by Shapeshifter, called Electric Dream. The lyrics cried out:
Even on the darkest day, you shine
Even on the coldest night
You warm me up through winter’s day
Even through the longest night you shine so bright
I met him in Wellington and it was dark, rainy and grey but his energy lit up the entire city. We went out for a few meals together and he would talk openly for hours about self development and the latest books he had been reading. He was hurting from a bad break up, but he had chosen to learn from it and to grow.
Becoming a better version of the person we were last year takes work but it’s a massive contributor towards our happiness levels. But what if some people who are close to you have not grown at the same rate that you have? Perhaps one of you took a life changing trip and the other missed out on it. Maybe you have grown more in another area and there is a clash. Is one of you nailing your career and the other their fitness? Maybe one of you finds self develoment fluffy and low on the priority list. Maybe one of you refuses to practise self care and make time for it. Which leads to resentment and a victim mentality. I have been thinking about the famous chapter in the bible about Mary and Martha. Martha always rushed around and missed the moments. Mary took time out to sit calmly, listening and enjoying the company. That was her mojo injection, her self care. Who was right? I’m with JC on this one. Pull a Mary and be present more often doing the forms of self care that you love.
I have been reminded about the power of listening to people. The thing is, when we raise our standards and listen to people even harder, and I mean REALLY listen, we value and respect the same in return when it comes to our closest relationships. There’s something about Mary…… it’s time to turn the hoover off Martha.
Here’s to you and all the progress you will make in 2019.