I suck at maths and my parking skills are questionable but in terms of emotional intelligence, I am often bang on. I have this people radar. My hubs is the same. It was part of the reason we connected so quickly. It was like instant people chemistry.
Let me ask you – do you like to pretend things are perfect when you are struggling? Speaking about the things in life that make us feel crap is just as important as sharing what makes us happy. Much like the multiple pictures we take before we get the perfect shot to share on social media, mental wellness can remain hidden away. Deleted or stored on our camera roll.
The problem is that if we don’t speak about our issues, we start to think we are alone. The little issues build up and in time become big issues.
I often ask for feedback in terms of the content I create, be it writing, vlogging or speaking. A comment that comes up time and time again is that people enjoy how honest I am. It makes them feel that they are not alone when it comes to the many issues we all face. Behind closed doors we are all fighting our own battles. When we bottle things up and take on too much, that is often when we crumble.
I like to talk openly about all sorts of stuff. This week it was crumbs in our bed. I was actually surprised by how many messages I got about this. People were delighted to share the fact that they too have this relationship issue. You see, I love breakfast in bed. I was telling those who tune into my Insta stories that I love the way my parents still enjoy tea and toast together in bed each morning. How adorable is that? Well to me it is. Ah the simple things in life, being able to enjoy tea and toast in bed with the one you love. Perhaps with those warm legs wrapped around each other. If you listened to my wax chat recently you will be aware that my legs are pretty silky smooth right now. Surely that hubs of mine would be well up for a tea and toast snuggle in the mornings, well at least over the weekend. The thing is, we don’t in our house. AS IN NEVER! That hubs of mine hates the thought of crumbs in the bed. I think I have had this privilege once in the 10 years we have been together. It was the day after I ran a marathon and I could hardly walk. He still put up a good fight and then I asked for a bed pan.
One of the messages I received this week read along the lines of:
‘So glad I am not the only one who gets frustrated with my partners lack of spontaneity, I guess it is good to remember that none of us are perfect’.
The camp is divided. Are you a crumb avoider? Or a lost in the moment, don’t care about the crumbs kinda person? There is no right or wrong answer. We are all different. The problem occurs when we look on social media at married couples who appear to be perfect. Images of them lying in bed, happy as larry with no issues. The chances are, one of them hates crumbs and that is ok.
Many have said to me in the past, in reference to my relationship, things like ‘awe you guys, the perfect match, what a couple’! I can see why people think that, I mean some of the pictures I have posted look like we are thee sweetest, cutest couple.
The perfect couple in my mind have tea and toast in bed together, over a motivational read. The perfect couple in my hubs mind get washed and dressed and sit nicely at the table. They then clear up the dishes as soon as the last bite on the plate is finished. You see, perfection or our perception of it is unique to every single one of us. Granted some couples are more compatible in ways than others but nobody is perfect.
When we focus on being perfect, when we make up images in our minds from a post on social media, it becomes a fast and enduring track to unhappiness. Don’t do it. Whilst it is healthy and lovely to share those happy moments, know that it is equally healthy to share the sad #ohcrumbs.