The #metoo campaign really got me thinking. So many of us have a story about a bad person. A person who committed abuse. Someone with an ego. A person who gets off on making people feel sad.
I can’t repeat a lot of my stories nor can I repeat the ones I hear in confidence. Sadly, I hear lots. I can repeat some though.
When I was 18, a guy I had been seeing for a couple of months said to me – ‘My Ex told me I can only date really good-looking girls. She said you are out of my league’.
WOW! He was a good-looking guy, I’ll give him that (cough arrogant prat). Although someone sent me a picture of him last year and let’s just say it’s not a Gary Barlow scenario. Not a vintage that improves with age. Karma can be such a bitch. Hopefully he has learnt that beauty is only skin deep. Cheers to that!
Age 18 (again – I had a lot to learn). ‘Hi Jo, meet my girlfriend’.
A guy I worked with in America. He had tried to kiss me the week previous and was quite rough and abrupt when I told him no. In fact, his words were repulsive. The following weekend his beautiful, sweet blonde girlfriend arrived and he acted like nothing had happened. He acted like the best boyfriend in the world. I said nothing??!
Age 22 – ‘When in Rome darling, sit quietly and speak when you are spoken to. You are out for dinner with my friends’.
This pretentious, sexist asshole treated me like an absolute piece of dirt. I blocked him on Facebook about 10 years ago. He had a girlfriend and was still messaging me.
These are just a few examples off the top of my head of a very long time ago. Whilst we forget major details, we NEVER forget how people made us feel. I want to look back knowing I did my best to make people feel good.
Now first off – this is not a feminist rant about men. I have a lot of good male friends who I adore. I love hanging out with the lads. I find the simplicity of men so refreshing. I am married to a man who has a heart of platinum (nagging aside). I have two big brothers and a Dad I think the world of.
But in short – some people are just not very nice. Some assholes can put on a fabulous front. It can often be the ones who appear the most charming. Then sometimes people become assholes naturally and the reason being – they have forgotten to love themselves. Being a good person involves helping yourself as much as others.
Help yourself by remembering a few things:
Genuine kindness does not have ulterior motives.
It is ok to say NO. Sorry, but no. Not today!
You deserve compliments, accept them.
I know it’s tempting to block out all people, perhaps stay at home with your pet. But not everyone is an asshole. Some people are really nice and funny and interesting and caring.
It’s them, not you! Do not blame yourself for when people treat you with a lack of respect.
You get what you settle for. If someone is being unreasonable then SPEAK out. If they listen, feel bad about it and make an effort then forgive them. Don’t hold grudges and move on. If they don’t try to understand then their ego is getting in the way. If they do and you refuse to forgive – your ego is getting in the way. Small print: murdering, physical or emotional abuse, cheating etc aside ovbs.
Treat yourself with crazy respect. Do more of what makes you smile and less of what makes you sad. If you treat yourself with respect, you will attract more respectful relationships in your life.
Real beauty comes from when you are being 100% yourself.
People who receive your unreciprocated giving on a regular basis are also more likely to take it for granted. That’s just the way it is.
From a people pleaser, who also happens to be in a VERY HAPPY PLACE right now, take these words as they come:
It is lovely to offer genuine respect and kindness to people. Compassion makes the world a better place. But being a good person also includes helping yourself as much as others.
If you have been an asshole in the past or are being one now, it’s never too late baby! Cheers to that!