My husband and I have been together about 10 years and this weekend we celebrate our 6th wedding anniversary. I’ve been thinking a lot about Prince Charming recently as I finalise my first book.
All my life I waited to find my prince. This journey was a crazy mish mash of fun, excitement, passion, loneliness, frustration and sadness. Where was he? That prince I watched as I grew up. Patrick Swazey in Dirty Dancing, Richard Gear in Pretty Woman, Leonardo Dicaprio in Titanic, Jude Law in The Holiday………to name a few.
Then I thought to myself, what if he didn’t exist and more to the point, did I really need rescued? I’m not big on the stereotypical prince look either. It’s all a bit too polished for me.
On burns night 2008, I didn’t meet my prince but I met a guy who I often refer to as “hubs” or my “balded beast”.
It was instant attraction, instant chemistry which turned into love. A few years later, a week before my 29th birthday, I walked down the aisle.
It was the most incredible day. We were high on life. But my husband is not my prince.
Don’t get me wrong, there have been moments over the years where I have felt like he is in fact an actual prince, with magical powers coming towards me on a white horse. Like the time he held my hand or passed me the gas and air (man that stuff is goooood) during childbirth and didn’t let go. Or the moment he stroked my face with tears in his eyes as we had an emergency section with Cheeky Charlie. Or the time he turned up at hospital the following morning with flowers and a hamper of my favourite food and drinks. Or the day to day moments when he gets red wine stains out of our carpet like a dog on heat or he runs around with the kids laughing. Or the times he randomly surprises me with a compliment or a thoughtful gift.
But he isn’t a prince. He’s just a guy. A guy who supports me in this crazy thing called life. A guy who drives me mad at times, like when he shouts demands at me before I have even opened my eyes up to start the day. How romantic. A guy who nags. A guy who often plays it safe and thrives on routine. A guy who does things his way and not always mine. A head strong guy with confidence in his choices. A hardworking, family guy. A guy who often wants to do different things, because he has a different mind to me. A guy who does not share all of my interests and desires.
A guy who is my partner and often my rock. A guy who lives under the same roof as me but doesn’t always want to do things in the same order or cook the same food. A guy who fills me with rage when he blows my candles out, puts the lights on bright and turns my music down. A guy who is trying his best at the crazy ride of parenthood and raising kids with me. A guy who needs love and support. A guy who needs to know he is appreciated, even when I don’t show it. Because it can be so easy to focus on all the negatives. We all love a good moan don’t we? It can be hard to fight against our British culture. Ranting and raving is great therapy and over tea and a scone, yes please. Or the Scottish in me would say pass me something stronger!
My huband is not my prince because prince charming wouldn’t drive me crazy like he can. But I kind of like crazy. My husband is not my prince because he doesn’t always rescue me. Sometimes he leaves me to it. He leaves me to just bash on, because he has faith in my ability or he simply doesn’t have the time. My husband knows me, sometimes better than I know myself.
My husband is my safety net. He has my back. He is proud of me. He gives me space to do things I love. He lets me order extra chilli when we share a pizza.
He does my accounts, he takes out the bins on a Thursday night and he cuts the grass. He makes me laugh, he makes an incredible breakfast smoothie and a fabulous beef panang. His energy and drive is admirable. His eyes sparkle.
He can drive me crazy but I am proud of him. I’m proud of the man he has become and he has a smile and a laugh that could light up the world. But, let me make this clear once again…..he is not my prince and I am not his princess.
In 10 years people grow. Priorities change. Experiences change us. Growing together isn’t always easy. It’s easy to be considerate and loving when the setting is romantic, when the music is playing, when you’re looking good and feeling fine. But when one or both of you is out of sorts, exhausted, overwhelmed and distracted, showing love can feel almost impossible.
Laughter helps to heal those crazy moments. As does the realisation that we are capable. We don’t need a prince or a princess. We need to look after our bodies and nourish our minds. So we sparkle and our face lights up. So we can be the best version of ourselves. So that even when the crazy days hit us like a thick, grey fog, we can get through them. Those moments of restlessness and upheaval, when you find out who you are and what it truly means to love. We can say everything is going to be ok. Let’s stick through it and share this crazy ride together. Let’s build each other up. Talk through our differences and find a way to make it work. Let’s turn up the music and let the kids watch us dance and take life a little less seriously. Let’s try and remember to kiss a bit more, even just the odd peck in the kitchen. Because I love your lips and how they feel on mine. I love the way you smell. I love the feel of your skin. Then we can laugh when our 5 year old says “I love it when you both kiss” (true story).
Let’s celebrate these years. Cheers to us. Cheers to partnership. Cheers to our differences. Let’s drink champagne and laugh about them. Because being married to a prince would be dull.
Thanks for reading. If you enjoyed this post please like and share, it really helps. For similar content you will hopefully love this one. Funnily enough, I wrote it about this time last year on the run up to our 5th wedding anniversary. Sometimes people are slightly intimated or shocked by how honest I am. Others write to tell me they love it. Some ask if my husband minds (surprisingly not at all and he often shares my posts the brave lad, maybe he is a prince).
I don’t do anything but straight talking. The main reason being that far too many of us put on a performance when we don’t need to. It is ok to not always be ok. In fact it is normal. If you love real talk then feel free to follow a snapshop of this on my daily stories and posts on Instagram.