Bad things happen. That’s life. Life can really suck. Sometimes it can all feel a bit much. I get it. I will never forget crying so hard I struggled to breath when I watched a video of my Dad telling me how proud he was of me on my wedding day. To quote:
“This girl you have here is my world. She is my little Jojo. She constantly thinks of other people and her smile lights me up”.
Who would have thought that as little as 3 years later he would become a stranger. He would push me away. It happened though and I had to deal with it. Yes, the tears were flowing hard. Sometimes it was hard to stop. Sadness is a natural energy and I find it beautiful. How amazing to love a person that much they can bring you to floods of tears? I also cherish every hug and hold him that bit tighter now that he is in a much better place.
I decided to channel all of my hurt and negative energy into something creative. I have never looked back and I am thankful every single day for the people I have met since launching “Mummy Jojo” back in November 2015.
I’m feeling inspired today after attending a 3 day “mind spa” course led by the inspirational Kaye Taylor, Steph Wilson and Jacqueline Hollows from Human Being TV. It was a much slower pace than I am used to and I loved it. We all take different things from our experiences. Jacqueline used the analogy of a holiday which I loved.
Two people could be in paradise and have completely different thoughts and feelings about their surroundings. I have been in amazing parts of the world and felt lonely. I have been in grey, rainy places and felt on fire.
I remember back in 2007 I was in Wellington and the sky was so grey. The city was nice but, having been away for a year, I was ready to get back to my home, Edinburgh. The following day I met someone who I instantly connected with. We spoke for hours, we ate out, danced and just took life for what it is. We were present. We listened to each other without noises going on in our heads. We laughed and didn’t take life too seriously. Sometimes we meet people and their words stick with us. They become part of us.
I remember being in Bryon Bay and meeting a guy, I later wrote a song about which I called ‘The Wise Man’. He was so full of wisdom it was bursting out of him and I loved his chat. Another guy on the trip dubbed him a ‘stoner weirdo’. We see what we want to see and that’s cool. It is ok for our experiences to be different. I didn’t let his comment annoy me because it was none of my business what he thought.
I went for lunch with a close friend recently. We were chatting and she was laughing about how I am prone to exaggerating things. That is her perception. I explained that in my head the event I was speaking about was “amazing, awesome, exciting”. In her head it wasn’t. That doesn’t mean I am wrong and exaggerating – her perception was just different to mine. Because we are all different and that is ok. Likewise, she will get super excited about events and experiences that I think ‘what is all the fuss about’. I think we try and fight it too much. We can’t change people. Our views of the world are different.
My husband still tries to change things about me and sometimes I just sit calmly and let it wash over me. I want to say to him ‘you just don’t get it’. I joked on our wedding day when I sang some lyrics I wrote:
“I don’t like your baggy jeans but I’m gonna like whats underneath them”.
I would love to dress him in a pair of tight skinny jeans but he will never do that. As Richie rapped in jest:
“Jojo once said to me hey there, I like this bloke with no hair, no dress sense either but I don’t care. Ain’t nothing new, there there”
He likes looser jeans with tan shoes. That is who he is, he is set in his way and individual classic style and comfortable with that. I know I will never change him and that’s ok (I like tan shoes by the way). The sooner I accepted that the better. For one, it saved me returning all the clothes I got him over the years for Christmas and birthdays that I liked. I now shop for him with him in mind, not me.
So often when life gives us lemons we put on a front. We act like everything is fine. We fight these feelings but one thing the past 3 days have reminded me is that it really is ok not to be ok. Everything we experience is simply energy which comes from a thought. Thoughts change all the time. So right now you might be so stressed about something. It might be eating away at you. Remember that in a couple of years you probably won’t remember the negative feelings you are having right now. Thoughts change all the time.
The more we fight against life and our negative thoughts, the harder we make it. I wrote a couple of months ago about being a PMS phsycho. The more I try and fight that, the harder I make those few days. So I just embrace it. I let myself get angry and it flows out of me. I get myself in the gym or go for a run. I turn the music up and drown out my bad mood. I see people that cheer me up. I deal with it because I have to every month. I laugh about it. I laughed last month when my kids found the Tampax my neighbour had kindly posted through the door. They were devastated I wouldn’t open these amazing looking sweets. Then my 4 year old wanted to know exactly what it was for, what else can you do but laugh?
Because when we try and take ourselves and life too seriously it really can go a bit tits up.
I remember feeling on such a high when I finished my first marathon last year. Then I had a bit of a come down. It was hard to stay on that level and for a few days I struggled with that. You see, nothing we get brings permanent wellbeing. A marathon medal, a porsche, a new client. In the same way, stress won’t last forever. No one experience we have on this earth is the be all and end all to life.
It is possible to do amazing things when we feel sad or angry. This week has reminded me to care less about the negative feelings – which are a normal part of life. I spoke recently about my heart pumping out of my chest before I pitched last month. That anxiety didn’t hold me back from grabbing the mic and speaking in front of over 100 people. I still got the job done. It was ok.
I am so happy to be living in an age that is so focused on wellness and #positivevibes. For one, it makes me feel a bit better about the world I have brought my kids into. I want to help them see the simplicity of life. I want them to have less noises in their heads and to learn to be kind to people. We are all different and that is cool. It’s ok. When life gives them lemons they will survive. So can you.