*****Super honest post alert
They say opposites attract and yes I do agree. It’s great to have things in common with the other half but it is also great to bring different things to the table. Over the Christmas holidays though, with time for lots of family bonding, I think the opposites can start to DRIVE US CRAZY! Which makes us rude, snappy, grumpy, impatient. Not ideal with two young kids to look after and set a good example to.
A friend once said to me about her husband:
“I just wish we liked all the same stuff”
Yes that would be handy but would it become way too unbalanced? I think it is important to have our own identity as well as the things we are known for as a couple.
The day after boxing day – I don’t know my days right now
I wanted to grab my husbands face and pinch him really hard on the cheeks. Why? The Christmas holiday honeymoon period was over.
- He suggested we take the Christmas decorations down on the 27th!!! (I almost cried)! Does he even know me at all?
- It took AGES to leave the house when technically a 2 adult to 2 child ratio should be MUCH easier.
- He was driving his usual way too fast #panicattack.
- He told me he had taped ‘going on a bear hunt’ and didn’t.
- He was hogging my new massage chair (as were the kids for that matter).
- He demonstrated a lack of understanding about a pair of boots I NEED in my life and will be buying in the sales.
- He was moaning about ‘man flu’.
- He tried to make us watch ‘the worlds strongest man’ yawn.
I could tell I was annoying him too. I won’t make him do a list though.
It was one of those days it felt like I was saying black and he was responding with white. I was the ‘yes’ and he was the ‘no’. We were snappy with each other, rude, grumpy and impatient. We were over it and needed a bit time out. I drew the short straw and let him go for a nap as I played with the kids and all their new toys. Get play mags people, it is actually great adult entertainment too. Ok I also made some homemade mulled wine to ease the blow – sooooo good as was the smell that my 4 year old dubbed “too orangy”. I digress.
Now I know a lot of folk HATE all this positivity chat that is trending everywhere right now. It is human nature to LOVE a good moan about annoying people, not enough time, sleep, money worries, general life and the pressures that come with it.
Despite the fact we all need a good rant sometimes, I think this whole positive vibes/mindset/loving life stuff is awesome. I lap it up like my kids with a selection box and set of chocolate coins. So when my (at times comfort zone mad/inflexible husband) suggested he started reading a bit more to ’embrace new ideas’ I was on a mission. I picked up Feel the Fear and do it anyway by Susan Jeffers as the word on the street is that the book is awesome. I am from a sales and marketing background so, as he opened the book I had wrapped and stuffed in his stocking, all this fluffy chat flies out of my mouth:
“Richard Branson loved this one, really inspiring for business minded people like you”
I slightly hate myself – I am so smarmy. Pass me a bucket. I just can’t help myself.
My often ‘no’ husband responded with:
“I ain’t got time to read this book and I am not sure if I even need to”.
Add arrogant prat to the list above.
Fine then but I will definitely be reading it. Your loss not mine love. Shock horror he started reading it in bed that night and covered a few chapters.
The next day – still don’t know my days or dates
Who is this man at the breakfast table? He is patient, upbeat, open to my suggestions about what we do with all this ‘family time’. He is one of those annoying ‘yes’ people. He is Mr positive.
How do I react? At first I feel very awkward and can’t stop laughing. It all seems a bit fake. A bit patronizing. Sod it, I will go with it. I join him on the positive mission to love life and each other train.
We get out the door MUCH quicker than normal. There are no rows in the car, the kids pick up on the calm nature. They are smiling. Happy and laughing. This all feels weird. We are being that nice, happy couple I daydreamed of yesterday and we are totally sober. The couple we always used to be – drunk on love. I decide to test the water and suggest something he hates – “babe can we stop in town on route to the pool so I can grab a festive coffee”. His response “sure darling”. This is all a bit strange but I love it.
What a difference a day makes. We laughed, had limited stressful situations and achieved a lot too. Now I don’t know what is in this book but from what the Mr told me- it is food for thought. Perhaps the fact our little boy FINALLY gave us a full nights rest also helped us. The boy slept the full 12 hours for the first time in months. Perhaps he also felt guilty because he was aware how much he had pushed my buttons the previous day.
They say that many of the most successful people ensure they take time to read a new book as often as possible. Reading opens our minds and inspires us. Reading is good for the soul. Ready is therapy. It is learning to see things from a different point of view.
So back to the question at the top of this post – how do we not kill our partner over the festive period? My tips are:
Read a self help/feel good book like this one (looking forward to reading it soon).
Watch love actually – it gets me every time.
Go for a run or wrap up warm and get outside in the fresh air for a walk. A tip – get the wee people torches (Gran you legend) and go out late arvo when it is dark to look at all the Christmas lights.
Listen to music – sing and dance. Just watch out for little people that attempt to steal red wine – this clip is hilarious
If you have kids give each other time to chill kiddie free. Even just 30 minutes to sit quietly with a coffee and a piece of Christmas cake.
Drink mulled wine – homemade tastes great and it gives you a nice buzz meaning any annoying partners are less annoying.
Towards the end of the day he was getting grumpy again so I sent him to read more of the book. Fingers crossed.