A letter to my friend who doesn't want kids

A letter to my friend who doesn't want kids

Hi my lovely,

I just wanted to get a few things off my chest.  You see, I feel I have been a bit of a rubbish friend lately.  I used to be able to spend so much time with you.  We could drink wine into the wee hours of the morning.  I could give you my full, undivided attention.  We could go for  a spa day and I wouldn’t have to check my phone.  I could switch off.

The other day when you came over you laughed and said I repeat myself a bit these days.  I am sorry. This thing they call baby brain is intense.  I used to be a great listener.  People would tell me this often, including you.

The thing is – I am not the person I was before.  My short term memory is rubbish.  If you ask me ‘what have you been up to this week?’ it will take me a good ten minutes of wracking my brain to remember.  If I have asked you the same question for the 7th time about where you have booked to go on holiday – I am sorry.  I really don’t mean to be rude.  I think a mixture of sleep deprivation and two little people constantly saying ‘mummy, mama, mum, mummy jojo’ all day has taken its toll on me.  In short, I am a bit frazzled.  That doesn’t mean that I am no longer interested in what you have to say.

I am sorry for all the times we get interrupted at least every five minutes. We were out for lunch the other week and you told me that really exciting news and I feel my little people burst your bubble.  To me, it was a huge deal but to be frank they are too young to care. You didn’t get the special moment you should have because they  wouldn’t keep still or quiet for that matter to allow us to talk.  I could tell you were a bit annoyed.  I would be too. Kid’s can be really annoying at times.  I know that is one of the reasons you don’t want to have any.

When I am without these little people there is constantly something on my mind – a list, a worry, some form of guilt.  Believe me I have experienced stress in the past but nothing comes close to the stress I feel these days.  So if I seem distracted or a bit blah I am sorry.  Some days I feel like I have nothing left to give.

I was warned of this by parents.  Advice was dished out such as ‘enjoy being married for a while before thinking about kids’ and ‘you have to be so selfless, make sure you are ready’. How  dare they – I am broody so move over and leave me to it.  I took any advice with a pinch of salt and I never really understood what people meant until I became a parent.  I judged people for being late or edgy.  I looked at parents with kids in the supermarket and thought why can’t they just control their child.   I had absolutely no idea and how would I?

I am sure my ramblings about attempting to go to the loo in peace or my average daily routine breakdown are a bit dull for you to hear.  I love the times we talk about non kiddie stuff.

Sometimes I do feel a little jealous of the freedom you have and all of those exotic holidays you and the Mr go on.

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You told me I look worn out and I need a break. You are probably right.  I don’t want you to feel sorry for me though because even though I am a bit frazzled I promise you I am ok.

The life where I had time and energy to listen and focus 100% is currently on hold.  The time where I could go out whenever I wanted is too.  I now lack disposable income, am full of baby brain and the ability to sleep in after too many cocktails on a Saturday night is now a distant memory.  I have chosen a crazy, frazzled new world. A new world where  I am even softer.  A world where I am capable of crying at the drop of a hat, a world which terrifies me like never before.  Watching the news or frightening movies has become almost  impossible.

You see, these little people own me.  I am whipped and you are not the only one who is getting less attention. Every relationship I had before these little people has changed.  Just ask my husband!  The thing is I get it now.  I chose to be selfless and my babies need me. It’s a 24 hour shift and teething SUCKS.  I have clearly lost my mind a little bit – who would make a video like this?

It will get easier.  I will slowly get a little independence back and there will come a day where long lies are available (whooop).  I promise I will stay for ‘just one more drink’ when that time comes.  Thank you for being there for me and embracing my new world.  Thanks for showing an interest in the kids and for putting up with all of those interrupted conversations.  Thanks for braving soft play with me that day.

Love you always,

Your slightly frazzled bestie xx

This post by Mummy J0jo was first published on Meet Other Mums. A website dedicated to connecting parents. 

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