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What does it mean to be lazy? Finding a balance to keep those we love happy

What does it mean to be lazy? Finding a balance to keep those we love happy

We are all lazy at some things and not at others.  I hope this post helps you to see things from a different perspective.

Monday 12th September – 9.30pm 

My husband and I are lying on the sofa.  He is not his usual upbeat self.  I ask what’s wrong.  The response is far from what I expect ‘you are lazy – that dressing table is still a mess why won’t you just clean it up?!’ – I am gobsmacked. His words did not go down well because it had been a looooooong day.   We all need a bit of lazy in our life for our mental health.  On this day there had been no time to be lazy, which made this insult so much worse than it could have been.

My 1 year old had been feeling needy with a capital N.  Which meant anytime I tried to do anything around the house he needed me.  Going to the toliet was a struggle.  It wasted a couple of toilet rolls – a price I’ll pay to keep him from attempting to wipe my butt or chew on a toilet brush.

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Once it hit 930am it felt like it should be lunchtime already.  I settled the kids down, all cosy with one of their favourite tv shows.

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I legged it upstairs and started clearing my dressing table (it had been annoying me for a few days and my husband even more).  After about a minute I hear screaming from my 4 year old ‘Mummy quick’.  Downstairs I find my wee lad had emptied the entire contents of my gym bag and found an old mascara.

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The cabin feever kicked in. It is ‘climbing the wall o’clock’ – we need to get out NOW.  We got packed up and head out to softplay.  David lLoyd as much as I love them have removed the baby gate so their softplay is not enclosed.  This is fine for the 4 year old but no not my wee cheeky guy.  I can’t relax for a minute or he will end up outside in the carpark, gate crashing a squash game or upstairs in the gym grabbing weights.  The boy is quick.  So after cursing the lack of baby gate for the 27th time and legging after him I was shattered.  Why couldn’t he just play on the slide and in the tunnels with big sister like he did a couple of days ago? I swear he was doing it on purpose to test me.  He had that cheeky look in his eye.   Thankfully there were mainly good souls and not assholes around that day.  I got given reassuring smiles and told ‘it does get easier I promise’.  Then they spotted my 4 year old.  The comments were quickly adapted ‘wow you have your hands full – wine tonight?’.

The afternoon is just as manic –

Nursery run x 4 – up the hill, back down, up and back down

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Charlie’s nap time involves me working and doing the dishes.  It is bitter sweet when he wakes because I always have stuff I need to do but those sleepy cudddles are magical.  They are the moments that I stop and tell myself how lucky I am.  They are the moments that make all the craziness worthwhile.  I won’t miss some moments but I sure as heck will miss these ones.  The other day he turned around unprompted and kissed me on the lips #melt.

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Snacks are distributed, we play a bit football and baby style badminton outside (I swear this boy with his epic coordination will be the next Andy Murray one day – you heard it here first).

My least favourite hour of the day is normally when we all get home from nursery – tired and hungry.  I think fellow parents call it ‘the witching hour’ or the ‘wine opening hour’. For around 30 minutes both kids are normally screaming for my attention – ‘juice right now Mummy’, ‘Mummy where is my dinner?’ and ‘Mummy I am soooo hungry’. Sometimes it is so loud and intense that I just have to laugh from disbelief.  By the time the hubs gets home I am often done in.

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Dinner RIGHT NOW

I serve dinner up and ignore any comments about why the house is a mess.  He is tired, hungry and grumpy too – I get it.

After the dishes and a bit more work I head out to the gym.  That doesn’t sound very relaxing but I swear exercise keeps me sane.  Those couple of hours out of the house also keep me feeling grounded after what can feel like groundhog day.  You see, kids need routine and structure. That is all good and well but it can start to grate a little for me.

After the lazy comment I had two options.  I could go nuts or I could take deep breaths and remove myself from the situation.  I chose wisely and went upstairs to read.  Firstly though I felt the need to check google.  I typed in lazy –

unwilling to work or use energy.
“he was too lazy to cook”
How ironic that comes up first because I always make it a priotiy to have dinner on the table by a certain time.  It sounds old school but it’s something I love to do.
There is no right or wrong answer though because that night his opinion was that I was lazy.  It got me thinking –  what does it actually mean to be lazy? In my opinion everyone is lazy in different ways.  Even if we are run off our feet every single day, we chose to do things in the order that they are most important to us.   When we are in a relationship though it is hard – we often have different priorities.  We need to compromise.
The following morning I made clearing up the dressing table my priority. My boy was in his usual cheeky mood – a picture tells a thousand words.
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It didn’t matter though – I was determined that the job would be done.  I found a way.  Of course it made me feel better too, the pile up of books and random kids toys on it was annoying me but it was clearly annoying him way more.  I sent him an email of this picture to his work.
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I could imagine him smiling at his desk.  I knew this would make him happy. It did.  That evening his mood had lifted.  We had a lovely night together and the atmosphere in the house was on a different level.
The moral of this story is that even when someone REALLY annoys or shocks us with theirs comments it is so much better to try and see things from their point of view.  To try and do something to make them happy.  Rather than getting defensive and screaming horrible things or punching them where the sun don’t shine.  Instead I stopped to think about why he was getting so upset.  I thought about the fact that a messy house really stresses him out. I thought about how he would appreciate me clearing the dressing table way more than anything else.  It’s what makes him tick.  We are all different.  As a result he started to think about what he could do to make me happier.  He made things (he is normally lazy with) that are important to me his priority.
Our actions have a huge impact on our relationships.  Sometimes taking time to look at the bigger picture helps to keep us moving in the right direction.  On the flip side I would say –
What’s lazy to one person can mean a completely different thing to another. We are all ‘lazy’ at some things because without passion we have no energy.  Let’s take the time to appreciate that our passions aren’t always the same.  It is ok to be different. 
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