My husband and I will have been married for 5 years this weekend. Which means we have been together for nearly 9 years and survived the much talked about ‘7 year itch’. The kids are away for the night and the champagne will be on ice. It won’t just be any old champagne either because we deserve it. Marriage is no picnic.
Marriage is two people who fall in love so easily and then year by year have to learn to grow together, respect each other and put up with each others weaknesses. My husband is an amazing guy but is by no means perfect (cough cough ok neither am I). That’s because we are human and nobody is. What is ‘perfect’ anyway? Time to consult google. Perfect: having all the required or desirable elements, qualities, or characteristics; as good as it is possible to be. Mmmm interesting. That perhaps explains why many are still single – to meet a person on this earth who has all of the required elements is impossible. Is that why people want to travel to space so much these days, just in case there could be better?
Don’t get me wrong, there are moments I get a little smug. We were dubbed at our wedding ‘the champagne of the party’. Too right – what a match. Moments I think ‘we are nailing this marriage thing‘ because life can be full of moments that feel perfect. Then I am brought back down to earth with a bump – he said whaaaat? He did whaaaaat? He forgot that! I am going to RING HIS NECK.
When we gushingly said our vows we promised with our hearts and souls to put each other first. We used to take such good care of each other. I even brought out the ‘baby voice’ if my husband was sick – ‘owwwww my little bubba lie down, I will bring you a lemsip sweetheart. Let me stroke your head and put a hot towel on it (true story). He was my only baby you see. Until two little people arrived. Two amazing little people who stole our hearts all over again. Two little people who now get all the cuddles and kisses. To be frank – they are just cuter than we are. Way, way cuter and so clever with it too. They own us. They also happen to be exhausting. By the time a Friday night arrives I am often too tired to pour a gin and tonic nevermind jump on my dear husband and show him a good time.
Marriage is two people travelling through life together despite our flaws and most annoying habits. Two people who love each other but don’t always like each other. People who share common ground but also have different interests too. People who need to make time for each other and time for themselves. Marriage is being honest even if the other person doesn’t want to hear it. It is taking time to understand the person we chose to spend the rest of our life with instead of judging them. It is two people coming together from different upbringings and ways of doing things. Two people trying to build a new home.
Marriage is working hard to keep the spark alive and the conversation exciting. No matter how hard we try marriage is taking a person for granted because we know them so well. I know my husband will always trim the kids nails before I do.
I know that he will wash all the bed sheets on a Saturday morning (ripping them off me as I cling onto them and beg for another 10 minutes). He knows he will come home to his dinner on the table and that I will take care of the kids dentist appointments, any thank you cards, birthday cards and our social calendar. Do we thank each other for this each time? No.
Marriage is bending the truth sometimes and promising to tidy downstairs whilst the other gives the kids a bath. Marriage is going upstairs to ‘put the clothes away’ and playing on Facebook.
Marriage is window shopping and admiring other beautiful people (sometimes not very subtly either) but knowing that we have a special nest at home. A nest that has taken time and patience to make. Marriage is knowing that we are building a solid foundation and a family to be proud of. Marriage is sticking together through the hard times when running away seems like the easiest option. Marriage is falling in love all over again.
Marriage is being happy to lie on separate sofas. It is enjoying simple things like a cup of tea and a biscuit together. It is laughing at each other and with each other. It is picking each other up when we feel down.
Marriage is sharing this wonderful thing called life together and all it’s moments – perfect, sad, happy, passionate, euphoric, painful, mundane, frustrating, amazing moments. Marriage is a crazy ride.
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