My little girl turns 4 tomorrow. I like to drag out the celebrations because each year her birthday approaches, it takes me back to the most frustrating couple of weeks of my life. Those long grueling days waiting for her to be born. On my due date, 28th July 2012, I was constantly told – ‘you look ready to pop’. I really did. I was beyond huge.
I may have looked ready but my babe was quite happy in there. My placenta must dish out champagne and fillet steak.
I was booked in to be induced at 12 days overdue. I had no idea what it meant to be induced because back then they never covered it in the prenatal classes. It seemed so unfair that I would need to go to hospital to be pumped full of drugs to bring my labour on. Why couldn’t it just happen naturally? Why couldn’t I be one of those Mum’s whose waters broke randomly somewhere? Ideally in the morning around 10am after coffee and a scone in Marks and Spencers. They apparently give you loads of free stuff if your waters break – gotta love Markies. No, it just wasn’t meant to be. I never got my moment. Just loads of false alarms.
I felt like a failure. What was wrong with me? Why was my body incapable of going into labour? On examination I was told there was ‘no chance’ this baby was even close to making an entrance. How was that even possible? The little munckin was clearly fully cooked and at the very least a 9 pounder. Ouch fun times ahead for me. All those perineal massages were a proper waste of time. Epidural it is then.
Once proper labour kicked in, after a couple of days of the grueling induction process, I was SO excited. The real pain started and as I reached for the gas and air I was buzzing in more ways than one. I was desperate to meet my little girl. I had felt so hopeless and was sick and tired of waiting. It no longer mattered because my moment had finally arrived. My moment to bring a little life into the world. Bonnie was finally born at 10.32pm on the 4th day of induction, during the closing ceremony of the Olympics.
We often romantasise about moments and the reality is that they are not always as we expect. That doesn’t matter though because they are our moments. Life is not perfect and it isn’t a performance either. We take the rough with the smooth. I didn’t get to go into labour naturally (and I had it all again in 2014 with baby #2) but here, 4 years later I have an amazing little person to be thankful for.
This little person may not have had the smoothest entry into the world but she has provided me with moments that literally take my breath away. Moments I could cry with pride, melt with emotion and of course also scream with crazy mad Mama rage. My sweet little Bonnie Violet, you were worth the wait. Bring on the partying x