Losing my rag in front of the kids – does it damage them?

I am known for being friendly, always with a smile on my face and super positive.  The thing is,  I also have a terrible temper if I am pushed to my absolute limit.  Recently I fully lost my rag.  Granted it doesn’t happen all that often but there are moments I am NOT to be messed with. What happened?  It was one of those days.  My husband came home to a super clean house (I wanted to surprise him and trust me with our 1 year old a clean house is a miracle) and one of his favourite dinners on the table.  He came in with a few bags of shopping and as I was unpacking them what did he say??!! ‘Why haven’t you changed Charlie’s nappy, it feels too full?’ I was expecting ‘wow, the house looks great AND tea is on the table – you are a total legend’.  I would gloat a little and accept his praise with open arms. We would then sit together in the sunshine and enjoy our lovely meal as the kids danced around the garden.  Life would be beautiful. The thing is we can’t do it all. Something has to give and on this occasion it was the nappy.  

I lost it, screamed some bad words in the heat of the moment and slammed a door hard. The next thing I hear my beautiful little 3 year old crying.  Ouch.  I feel awful.  Why didn’t I take deep breaths?  Why didn’t I try and hold it together?  I should be more responsible.  I have hurt my little girls feelings.  I have scared her.  My husband and I will be back to normal in an hour or so but have I caused her some damage?  She asked why I shouted and I explained that sometimes in life people argue and disagree and that is normal.  I apologised for shouting and promised I would try not to do it again anytime soon.  A minute later she was asking if she could go and play on her trampoline.  I hoped that meant she was ok and there would be no nightmares of scary Mummy Jojo that night.

I have told myself that in future if I am upset I will keep calm.  I am aware though that this is against my nature.  I am fighting against my genes, the very being of me.  I have a very soft touch but somewhere deep down there I am also feisty, passionate and I have a temper. I love a door slam. Such is life.  There are two sides to every story and my husband had returned from a super stressful day.  He hadn’t made time to notice the house as he still had work and his long list of things to do on his mind. If I had given him a chance he would have told me how delighted he was about his dinner and the fact the house was in a much better state than normal.

Not long ago I competed a 7 week course called Raising Kids with Confidence.  I wrote about everything that I learnt and am delighted that many of my readers found it helpful. See it here if you are intrigued and have not read it. The course taught me how important it is that we teach our kids the value of effort and working hard, rather than showering them in praises all the time.  So how can I bring something good out of the losing my rag and making my child cry moment?  A time where I have not been the role model I wanted to be.  I can teach my kids that I want to work harder at my weaknesses and that my temper is one of them.  I can show them in future that I can get upset but I don’t always have to fly off the handle. Some of  us have to work harder than others at certain things because we are fighting against our nature.  I can also teach them that working hard has so many meanings.  We don’t just have to work hard at school or our jobs or interests.  We also have to work hard at our relationships.  We have to compromise and build respect. Amazing things don’t come easily.  We have to build a solid foundation over time.  Having a desire to better ourselves is always a positive thing.  We need to learn from our actions and work hard at seeing things from a new perspective.  We need to be open minded.  We need to be patient and we need to persevere.  Even if we feel anger and hurt with our loved ones – it feels so much better to kiss and make up #doorslammingmama #letloverule.

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The day after I lost my rag

 

 

 

 

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