Don’t worry about me baby. Let’s brush your teeth. Let’s get you dressed. I will throw something on later. What do you want to wear today? Right breakfast time. Ahhh I would love a shower but it’s a bit too much of a nightmare to attempt one right now. Char keeps jumping in it with me fully clothed. As for breakfast – can I just grab a bite of that toast? You excited to see your cousin at softplay? Ah getting out the house is tricky!! Let’s get started. Please let me brush your hair today, stop running away. Where are your shoes? Charlie please stop running away – we need to change that stinky bum. How can it be SO hard to get the 3 of us in the car.? Shall we just give up and stay at home? No bad move – you would be CLIMBING THE WALLS!
I am bursting on a wee but it can wait. It will have to wait for now. What can I get you? Do you need a snack? Are you thirsty? Do you have a full nappy Char? Do you need a wee Bon? It’s fine I will eat later, ignore that rumbling noise coming from my tummy. I know it’s loud. I will sort myself once you are at nursery this arvo. Well once your little brother is asleep. He is quite unsettled, it might take a while but once he is down I will grab something.
Oooops he wouldn’t go to sleep. By the time I got him down, gathered my thoughts and made a coffee it was time to wake him up again to collect you. Sorry I forgot the treats. Please don’t be annoyed. We will get a snack when we get home. Please don’t have a tantrum. Your wee brother is tired as I had to wake him up too soon. Come on let’s get down the hill.
You seem tired. Let’s get you settled and I will change your little brothers nappy. Then I will attempt dinner while the wee monkey grabs at my legs and pulls my shorts down. Fun and games. He just wants to play, he needs lots of attention. When I try and tidy or clean he gets upset. Poor wee lamb. He will end up on the floor playing with all the pots and pans. I will take a trashed kitchen if it lets me cook.
When Daddy gets home he still likes to complain about the mess you have both made. Even if I have just hoovered all of the cereal you just snuck through into the livingroom that little Charlie threw all over the carpet. It feels like as soon as I tidy you trash the place again.
A song came on the radio today and it put it all into perspective.
I’ll feel the fear for you, I’ll cry your tears for you
I’ll do anything I can to make you comfortable
Even if I fall down when you’re not around
Don’t worry about me, don’t worry about me
Today has been a bit mental. I have got a bit stressed out but I have also laughed a lot too. It hit me in the car though how much I would do for you – my babies. How much I love you unconditionally. I made another vlog here and I feel it captures our little mad, fun world perfectly. I feel it shows how much you little people always come first. Some days I do feel like having a little cry when I am trying to get out the house and I am finding it impossible. I also want to cry when Char is so tired but he won’t nap. I worry the noise of my rumbling tummy is keeping him awake. Then something funny happens and I laugh or one of you give me a hug or a kiss and it makes everything seem ok.
I hate to think that so many parents struggle in silence. If either of you are lucky enough to become parents I want you to know that it is ok to cry some days. Share how you feel. Please never bottle it up. Even crazy, amazing, unconditional love can be hard. Mummy is working hard this year (2016) to get people to talk. You see, times are changing. The grandparents come from an era where people didn’t talk all that much. They suffered in silence behind closed doors. Many Mum’s have written to me – they cry alone. Something needs to change. Please always be kind to people because you never know what they are thinking but acts of kindness always help. This goes for parents, carers, people in super stressful jobs who don’t get one minute. Don’t judge people because everyone has their own story xxx
Ps – a million thanks to all those who gave feedback about my 2nd vlog. I know it’s hard to work out what I am saying in parts but next time I will edit the music out if the vocal is super important in terms of the message I am trying to get across. The song on it by Frances is so beautiful and I feel it captures so beautifully that crazy thing called pure, unconditional love. Remember though, we have to worry about ourselves sometimes. Take a break when you can this weekend xxx