For over a year my family have watched an incredible man who we love and depend on suffer a terrible illness. An illness that we know far too little about. An illness that not only causes physical pain but one that strips a person of themselves. My Dad – a strong, loving, highly intelligent and beautiful soul is physically with us, however mentally no longer himself. It was been heartbreaking to see this change and the pain in his eyes. Our amazing Mum has displayed unconditional love and stood by his side every single step of the way.
Seeing Dad so frail and a shell of himself has been so hard. I often question what he is thinking each time I try to hold his hand and watch him stare off into space. The brutal reality is that with mental illness people are already grieving. I am grieving for my Dad who we all miss so much. All I can do is hope and pray that in time we will get him back. Some days Dad will say something to me, or give me a look or a hug that is just like he was before. Although this can really upset me, as it reminds me of how much I miss him, it gives me hope.
After having two beautiful and very large babies over the past 4 years, I am now ready to get fit and back into some of my old clothes. Despite the fact my body has had to stretch dramatically to house Bonnie and then Charlie, I have held on to some clothes I wore when I was at my fittest. The eternal optimist!
I want to get fit, but more importantly I want to raise awareness for mental health and this charity. It is frightening to know how many people are affected by this illness. Sadly, mental illness is still a taboo subject. It can be very hard to understand.
I am really enjoying training for the 10k. I have lost 12 pounds already and am feeling a lot fitter and more energised. Very useful as the sleepless nights are still going strong with my hungry and teething little 4 month old. Although I have a long way to go in terms of my weight loss goals, I already feel more confident. As I am living a healthy and active lifestyle I should be proud of. I am so touched to have already raised over £1000 for this charity. It is very fitting that I am doing the 10k run around Arthurs seat. Arthur is my Dads name and is the greatest Arthur I will meet.
My dream is that I get to see him smile again soon.